How My Pregnancy Journey Enhanced My Body Connection

A large part of my pregnancy journey has been accepting and listening to my body. Adapting to my pregnancy was a difficult transition for me. Although I was extremely grateful to become pregnant, I didn’t realize the extent and impact of all the changes my body would go through. I also didn’t spend time cultivating the respect, admiration, and connection necessary to welcome the new changes with love and ease. It wasn’t until the development of an itchy, painful, inflammatory rash during my seventh and eighth month of pregnancy that I took serious notice of my relationship with my body.

Throughout the first six months of pregnancy, I had a very smooth transition with minimal complaints. Compared to the horror stories I read about, I had the ideal pregnancy; glowing, clear skin, strong, lustrous hair, minimal nausea and vomiting, no problems eating or drinking, no belly stretch marks, and appropriate weight gain. I was nourishing my body with healthy foods and engaging in light activity such as walking and hiking. However, I was fixed on my weight gain and counting calories. I would weigh myself multiple times a day and eat light before my prenatal appointments in fear of judgment. I was heavier than I’d ever been and despite the fact my weight was completely justified and appropriate, I had a hard time accepting the changes.

Moving into my seventh month of pregnancy, I noticed an eczema like spot appear on my torso. It was a moderately sized red, inflamed plaque. I also noticed another spot that appeared to be eczema-like on my back. I didn’t think much of the spots at first, as I figured my skin was dry due to changes in my hormones. I started experimenting with lotion, cortisone cream, honey, soap, and then watchful waiting to get rid of the spots. The spots didn’t go away but nothing new manifested.

Near the end of my seventh month and beginning into my eighth month of pregnancy, the spots erupted into a full-blown itchy rash. I googled pregnancy rashes and none of the rashes commonly experienced seemed to fit my experience. I developed a whole-body rash extending from my neck, arms, torso, back, hips, butt, and legs. The rash was intensely itchy, red, inflamed, and painful with plaques and numerous hives/pimple-like spots. I tried Benadryl, anti-itch creams, special soaps, taking multiple showers, abstaining from showers, aloe, oatmeal baths, Aveeno, prayer, and meditation. My body was in physical pain and any amount of heat seemed to make the rash worse. I would take lukewarm/cool showers, sleep with the fan on and window open, and avoid engaging in any activity that would spike my body temperature. The rash also prevented me from sleeping well, and I would sleep only 2-3 hours before waking up itching myself furiously. It would then take me awhile to get back to sleep. On most nights, I was barely sleeping 6 hours. I asked my OB her thoughts and she didn’t know and couldn’t help. She referred me to dermatology instead.

After serious reflection on my condition, I intuitively knew the real issue at hand. In fact, I knew the issue right away when the herald spot, first spot appeared. I knew the rash was a manifestation of my lack of gratitude for my body and unhealthy body image. Pregnancy seemed to magnify an outward expression of internal feelings at an accelerated rate. I was so obsessed with the outward, physical condition of my human body that I failed to appreciate the internal workings. I failed to see how amazing my body was in supporting a healthy, happy pregnancy. I failed to check in with my body and ask what she needs. I failed to positively affirm gratitude for all the ways my body was supporting me and my child. As I thought of all the ways I failed to recognize and appreciate my body, I felt sad. My body is a temple to be honored and respected. I was creating disharmony and dis-ease with my body.

Once I solved the root cause of my condition, I worked diligently to change my relationship with my body. I started mediating daily to heal my body and chakras, engaging in daily affirmations, and checking in with my body daily to ask what my body needs. After asking what my body needs, I heard, “More water. More sunshine. More fresh air. More long walks.” I increased my water intake from 2 to 3 liters a day, went outside more frequently, bought a Vitamin D supplement, and encouraged Jason to take me to the park for long walks and hikes. I also engaged in daily affirmations (which I still do) to give thanks for at least 10 things I am grateful that my body does for me. I realized the rash would heal in a few weeks on its own without needing to do anything on my part. I focused on symptom management of the rash to make me more comfortable during the process.

Near the middle of my eighth month, my rash started going away. The spots faded in color from red to tan and my skin started flaking and peeling to make way for new skin. I was so relieved and grateful. By the end of my eighth month, my spots disappeared completely leaving no scars. My body had transformed itself physically, as I was transforming myself emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I could finally touch my smooth skin again, take a hot shower, and sleep throughout the night. I was so grateful everyday that my body healed itself. I continued my mediations, daily affirmations, and process of checking-in with my body asking what it needs. I stopped weighing myself, depriving myself, and fixating on my physical appearance and started appreciating my temple for this miraculous and wonderful pregnancy journey.

The rash was a blessing in disguise that taught me more in 2 months than I had learned in 32 years. The rash forced me to acknowledge the culmination of my past and current thoughts, behaviors, and actions out of alignment with a healthy body image and connection by magnifying the impact in my pregnancy progress. The physical manifestation of the rash was a significant event I could not ignore, as it was the worst rash I’ve ever had in my entire life. It was my body’s way of illustrating the internal on my external. I wholeheartedly believe that the only reason my rash cleared up as quick as it did was because of my dedicated effort to change my internal thereby changing the external. I now know how important it is to be easy on myself, love my body, listen to my body, and respect my body every day.

My takeaway from this difficult experience is more evolved than simply the idea of body positively or self-care; it is the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual act of truly accepting, appreciating, respecting, honoring, and valuing my body and what it does for me every day. It is the understanding that my body is an extension of my Soul/Spirit and deserves to be treated without harsh judgment or comparison to others, as that will only hurt me. I now only care what I think of me and will no longer allow myself or others to affect or impact my perspective or perception. I am now at peace in the knowing that I am the only person who can change and heal my body.

Below are some of the positive body affirmations I do everyday to demonstrate how much I value my body. Feel free to use these affirmations or come up with your own after checking-in with your body to identify its needs.

1. I AM grateful and thankful for my body.

2. I AM healing my body everyday through acts of gratitude and kindness.

3. I AM appreciative of the internal work my body is doing every day without my conscious awareness.

4. I AM supportive of my body image and ways my body has evolved to serve me.

5. I AM devoted to cultivating a good relationship with my body by honoring its needs.

6. I AM listening to my body on what foods and activities optimize its health and wellnesses.

7. I AM easy on my body and practice self-forgiveness.

8. I AM happy to be in my body and be able to move, dance, and enjoy life physically.

9. I AM aware that my body is my temple I enjoy treating with respect.

10. I AM loving towards my body and engage in healthy self-care.

-Jaclyn