Where Growth and Change Happen

If you’re reading this article, chances are you are a spiritually minded person with some sort of daily practice like yoga, meditation, music, art, etc. that promotes personal growth and deeper levels of connection and satisfaction in your life. This growth is congruent with change. Simply put, when we grow we change. In this article, I want to discuss the idea of how and where the growth happens, with a bit of personal experience to help illustrate the idea.

Part of my practice incorporates daily meditation. Some of my meditation time is spent clearing the mind and getting to a place of peace and calmness, allowing me to be absorbed in the present moment and aware of the deepest aspects of self. I try to incorporate this mindset in most everything that I do; whether I am working out, meditating, practicing my guitar, writing music, doing chores, etc. The idea is to try and remain in the present moment throughout the day, so I can respond to incoming stimuli with calmness and control over my thoughts, words, and actions. I want to be a master of my actions as opposed to a prisoner of my reactions.

So getting to the point of the article, where does growth come from? Does it come from meditating 10 hours a day? Does it come from sweating on the yoga mat? What about being in the zone from playing your favorite sport for a couple hours? I think the deepest growth will not happen in these environments. Instead growth occurs in the midst of the challenging situations that occur from living your life: the challenging conversations with co-workers, friends or family; the unexpected behavior of others, or unexpected outcomes of events, etc. The reason why I mentioned my daily practice of meditating is because I want to explain that while this practice is amazing at helping to facilitate personal growth, it’s still just part of the practice. Anything that can help put you in the present moment like meditating, yoga, etc. is the “practice” of being able to do this. The real test is being able to embody control over oneself and apply this in the present moment while living your life.

Throughout the course of our relationship Jaclyn and I have had numerous discords, or arguments. In fact, our discords were what helped create our material in “Rewiring The Process” along with most of our other material, including this article. During some of our conversations and past bickering matches we half-jokingly have said that we were going to record ourselves so we could verify and “fact-check” each other - since we have both accused each other of having selective memory. During our most recent discord, I did just that, I recorded 10 minutes of our conversation.

When we reviewed the recording, we were both able to catch why and how we kept revisiting the same issues that perpetuated the discord. All of the typical culprits were present: projection, blame, accusing, etc. We were able to see where our deficits were, so they could be improved upon for the next time. The recording also gave us numerous laughs, which is always a plus. Most importantly, it also gave us the ability to review the situation without the emotional charge that we were both carrying during the conversation. This enabled us to perceive the situation as it really was. Imagine being able to do that in the moment and in the midst of a discord; the growth would be profound.

When confronted with an adverse person or situation and you are able to maintain your composure and make the choice to express yourself through words and actions that are in alignment with your values, then you are really getting somewhere. Being able to take a step back, take a breath, evaluate the course of the event, and finally make the choice to act in accordance with your values, and doing this all within the present moment will be the tell-tale sign that you are achieving mastery over yourself.

This is obviously the goal to reach for, and will most likely not be met every time. We are all human and make mistakes, and even the most mindful practitioner slips up. Also, don’t let failing to live up to the goal as an excuse to beat yourself up for not being able to do so. This is a way the ego manifests and is a slippery slope. If it happens, dust yourself off and try the next time you have an adverse encounter or situation. The universe will always give you another chance to express the highest and best version of yourself - I guarantee it.

- Jason